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ok so now lets see the summer started out i was gonna stay single to aviod the drma but guess wat ? i still have just as much drama now at this point ive given angelica 2 of my old hoodies and a necklace to show her i really do mean it when i tell her i love her.. but see she has more then one bf so tht kinda bothers me tht is the major reason why i dnt wanna date her cuz i dnt like the idea tht there are others but this way we can just be really close friends and we can have fun togeather and i feel just a lil bad cuz she is cheating but thts there problems.. but then a few weeks ago this awesome girl laila re-enterd my life and she is soo cool she makes me smile and she is so cool and i knew it would cause problems but i didnt care at the time so we started talkin a lot and she kinda like feel in love with me and i loved her basck and i startd off with sum fan signs then started tellin i loved her in comments and all tht but i knew when angelica found out she wouldnt be happy and i dnt wanna fuck shit up with angelica cause she is the only girl i have feelings for in my area so i dnt wanna lose her for sumone i might never see but then see this girl laila loves me soo damn much she was actaully gonna move to my town jsut to be with me but i blew it.. and now like angelica and laila are friends but for sum reason i dnt knw tht its the best idea.. so now like every day angelica tells me she hates me then later she doesnt hate me and its soo confuzzlin and there is soo much damn drama and i really like laila but it seems like we always get into lil fights about random things and i never knw how to fix the problems and then she is like see u dnt love me and im just likee uggh.. and i just really need a break from all this and soon like in 6-8 days im gonna disappear to do my summer readin so yea dnt wrry about me i wnt be dead just gettin lost in the awesome advantgers of the spiral society by uzoma peter lane abd right now if i ddidnt have steph to help calm me down whne im havin a mini break down idk wat woudl be happen so yea thanks steph

ok so lets see



last night my friend laila who i really like a lot devieded to curse out my ex angelica and angelica got pretty pissed and when she asked who wrote it i paniced and said tht steph worte it cuz steph doesnt really like angelica all that much either.. but then when angelica wanted to talk to who wrote it i gave her laila's sn cuz laila didnt like the idea tht i blamed it on steph



and so angelica and laila fought about me and fought each other and shit



so now they hate each other and they both hate me



so now they have both left my life as of right now



and im really fucken depressed



ok.. yes i do get madd at angelica and call her a whore im srry about tht.. and we do have a lot of ups and downs in our realtionship and by now ive given her two hoodies of mine cuz i loved her so much but,.. she is goin out with sum dude and it kinda annoys me tht she can go out and im supossed to just sit here and let her use me as a hook up.. i feel used and i feel bad about it cuz she is cheatin on her bf but she is the only girl in my area tht seems to show me love or care about me so i love her and put up with all our fights cuz i love her so much..







but then laila came into my life



and i did things like make my status say i love her make her fan signs knwin at any moment angelica would see them and flip out and hate me forever but i did it anyway.. and almost all my friends tht knw about wat goes on with me and angelica thinks its wrong but no body ever makes a stand to help me from the relationship me and her have..







but i love laila and i put myself in trouble iwth angelica just to talk to laila to tell her i loved her and everything if i would have knwn tht laila would have given up her life to move her to my town just to be with me i would have tried being such a less asshole and let her know i really wanted her.. but nooo im to damn stupd



and laila was even in my town yesterday passed me in the damn park MY PARK and didnt even realize it and we could have had such a great time but noo i didnt get to cuz i didnt have my phone cuz my dad is evil..







so now life is a wreck again and i wish to fcken die a slow and painful death



and normally id turn to ginna for help on this but she seems to be dealin with her own problems and i shall try to get help from steph cuz she fucken cares about me and yea..



idk if ll be on for a while



im srry it ended this way



now i have lost angelica and laila all in one night and i broke two hearts



and i ripped mine out my chest and put it on the table so yea



i just wanna say



i love laila



aind i love angelica







good night folks

ok so about two weeks ago i started talkin to this really cute girl her name is laila and i really really liked her from the startand she liked me to so we flirted and shit for a while and our ups and downs but i kept tellin her i didnt wanna date cuz i knew a certain sum1 who make a big deal of it so i kept pushin her awaylil did i knw tht laila could have moved here to my damn town went to my mother fucken high skool and life woulda been god damn great but NOO i had to be an idoit and still be stuck on my ex so after a while of puttin laila off she gets back with her ex and all my chances of ever havin her are crushed so now my ex guess watwe were hookin up and shit behind her bf's back but now he is movin in with her so now im left all the fuck alone screwd outta everythingand i fucken hate it dammit so now not only did i lose the chance to be with an amazin girl but ive also lost my hookin up privalages thanks to my ex's bf movin here so. plus i feel like a damn consular for my ex shana and her bf pat (my friend) cuz they are always havin lil problems and i have to fix them and shit and ugh i miss my queen like fucken crazy cuz i havent seen her all damn summer and life fucken blowsi just wanna crawl up in a ball and cry my eyes out till there is nothing left.. im not sure wat i did SOO bad for all this to happen maybe its cuz im just to dumb to realize micrels when they happen.. maybe im just a waste of time.. all i make ppl do is waste there time on me and i dnt even knw why i do this shit..

ok so like a 2 weeks ago i think it was i was walkin in the hall at bergen tech goin to sum class and i see this girl and she kinda stood out to me.. her hair was in pony tails and she lookd uber cute and i was like dude i so gotta find her myspace or sumthing like tht.. so i send out sum friends wif a short descrpition and try to get them to help me find out who the girl was, but none of my friends rly were any help so then i take it to my best friend ginna and im like by any chance do u knw who she is and ginna's like yeaand finds out her myspace and tells me the girls name is nicky and then ginna was like so u like her ? and i was like yes.. so after ginna found nicoles myspace for me we started talkin and nicky wantd me to talk to her at skool so she would wave me down in the halls and after skool and we started talkin.. and like i could tell as i got to knw her more i was like dude i rly like her.. then like last week i think it was or sumthing i see nicky and shes all like upset so i ask wats wrong but dnt get a answer but i didnt pursure it cuz i still didnt think we were tht close tht i would need to knw wat happend. so then i ask her if she needed a hug which she did and so i gave her a hug and held her a lil bit then she was all like u should go to shop so i was like ok and gave her another hug.. then tht whole next period all i could think about was seeing her all sad and just wantin to help her. but i didnt leave shop but i so wantd to.. then later told her how i wntd to leave shop to find her and she thought it was cute.. lol.. so hmm skippin sum lil details. the other day at lunch i sat down and nicky was starin at me and i didnt think about it and askd why then later on realized im an idiot cuz its kinda like a good thing if a girls staring at u right ? lol then later tht day after skool she told me she loved my eyes.. and just like everyday we talkd i got more and more happy and realized she was like totally awesome and i could tell i rly liked her.. so then yesterday i wrote a lil note tht askd if it was rly obvious tht i likd her and i kinda turnd red a lil bit as she read it and she said yes and thought tht it was cute and gave me a hug.. then today i askd her in a lil note if she likd me and she said yes so then i was uberly happy.. then after lunch i walkd her to class holdin hands.. i walkd wif her all the way from one side of the skool to the other holdin her hand just cuz i rly lyk her and figured it was a nice thing to do lol and she likd it.. so lets seeidk wat this blog is rly about just kinda a mashd up mess of my feelings and the events tht have happen so farbut like when were standin togeather im just like uber happy and in classes shes on my mindand yea nicky i rly like u lol idk if ur gonna read this or not

frist the bus tht takes me to my tech skool it broke down and it was maddd hot then i got to the tech skool late went to my class the teacher is like ur name isnt on my list but my schudule said tht class so i stayed and then at the end of the day the buss took like 30 mins to show up then we had more ppl on the bus there there where seats and then we had to wait for sum fucken kid tht wasnt even supossed to be on the god damn bus and ughh yea those parts suckd but besides tht everything was awesome i saw ginna my queen and hugged her a bunch of times and i saw most of my friends so everything was good exvept my chem class is on the 4th floor frist period and god its hot up there and there are only 8ppl in tht class and yea everything was cool

now finally after lets say a few monthsme and angelica are not simply friends i mean i still have feelings for me but she made it clear her feelings arent strong anymore for me.. and its rather for the better all we did was cause each other problems and drama in life.. angelica chased off laila.. and she made things with shana very bad and at times put my friendship with ginna on the line... but now we are simply friends and it is for the best.. my only problem now is, finding sum1 new to date in my skool. at either bergen tech or hackensack.. but i would rather one from bergen tech cuz thts were most my friends are tht would be able to tell me if they were the right person for me..and sure im a lil hurt more jealous but who cares i get jealous about ginna still sumtimes but watcha gonna do about it.. i must say it was a fun ride angelica, we went threw a lot and now, now i guess we are just plain friends.. im sure most of my friends are very happy about this.. and for anybody tht followed all my blogs knew wat was goin on between me and angelica.. in my view we kinda had a hate/love relationship oh well..u cant always have a awesome girl wif gud looks at the same time..oh yea lol angelica did u knw ur the only girl i dated even while getting death threats lol pretty cool eh ? and heres just a lil quote from angelica aka jelly ----> yeah well sorry but i have a man and if u dont like it then idk what to tell u mike ok u cant always have what u want i learend tht the hard way maybe onece or twice i caved in and went back out with u but truthfuly ur not worth loosing him

ok so like today has been very odd..



so like in history i sat on the floor next to my friend dan and this girl and i listen to my i-pod and txtin on my phoen...



then the girl is like dude a 40 year old is hitting o me and it was kinda odd lol.. then in mth i went to the lunch room to see my friend stan and the bitch takes out his phone and he has a picture of a certain sumone on my top friends and asks me wat is tht and im like dude if u dnt take tht off ur phone i will stabb u.. so he does then i leave and go outside and sit down on the grass under a tree and just chill there until my bus shows up.. then later after skool im like tired so i use chyvonne as a pillow..



then when i get home i talk to shana online for a while and julz and all my important friends then i talk to shana on the phone for like 40 minuts then i eat dinner and after tht i talk to julz for like 20 minutes and after talkin to her for sum reason i feel sad... so then i talk to steph... then after tht i talk to lynn on the phone for the frist time after talkin to her online for like over 8 months then after i got off the phone with her i let thressa call me cuz she likes to call me on the phone and we talked for a while and i enjoyed her singing cuz she knws i love to hear her sing on the phone

I'm sorry to say this but I think it is time that I take my leave from this town before another of you is hurt. I sometimes lie in the darkness of my room at night, listening to the harsh whispers of the devils that inhabit my mind and they tell me horrible things. I daydream of tearing apart women and children bit by bit with small rusty hooks and as they cry pure blood I lick it from their cheeks in happiness at the taste of such a mixture of tears, blood, pain, and fear. I dream at night, creeping through the shadows and harming my loved ones. When it all began it scared me, terrified me and I had to seek psychiatric help and was given medication to stop the voices. But even so, now that I write this letter, they returned and show no sign of ever leaving again. No amount of medication to rid them, and I fear that even death could not help me escape this torment. I was so young when it started, so afraid. When I'm not lying in bed in the darkness I walk about my darkened home, bright eyes in the shadows staring at me, laughing at my pain and misery. Though, that was before... Now they cheer me on. I am no longer afraid of this horrible curse on my mind. Oh god why has it come to this? I look in the mirror at myself not to see me, but a demon. I run around the streets at night, burning shelters, hurting so many innocent people and even feasting on their blood and tears because it makes me so happy. Dear friends, nobody is safe from my harm.



I fear that as each day passes, I begin to like this more and more. I'm not leaving you this not as terms of safety from my harm, but a warning to you because I will come after you and hurt you, torture you, clean your flesh from bones and leave you to die in horrible pain. The only reason I'm giving a warning is because I love it when people run and think I can't catch them...